Learning to give a good sensual massage can put a spark into your relationship and help to spice up your love life. It’s a great gift that you can give to your partner, and a great way to build trust and intimacy together. If you want to give better massages, you can learn to prepare your body and your space, how to communicate effectively, and some tips and techniques for hitting all the right spots.
Clean and groom yourself.
To make the experience as sensual as possible, both of you should feel comfortable, clean, and fresh. Bathe and groom yourself, paying particular attention to your hands and fingernails. Your fingers should be clean and clipped before you give a sensual massage.
If you’re giving your partner a massage, consider bathing together to initiate the intimacy. Bathing or showering at the same time can be a great way to get the massage time started.
It can also be fun to start with a massage and then, after things get oily, to hop in the tub afterward and clean off some of that oil.
Make the massage space comfortable and inviting.
Whether you’re massaging someone on a professional massage table or on a bed or other surface, it’s important to make the person getting the massage as comfortable as possible. Make sure the room is warm enough to be undressed in, if clothes are coming off, and make sure the sheets are clean and fresh. Light some candles and incense to make the room feel special.
It’s sometimes common to use hot stones, blindfolds, rolling pins, and a variety of other implements in the massage, but sometimes it’s also best to keep it as simple as possible. You don’t need to prepare an elaborate display of tools to make the massage sensual and enjoyable for your partner.
Some gentle music can be a welcome addition to a sensual massage, or a corny and uncomfortable mistake. Ask your partner what they would prefer, and avoid the Barry White cliches.
Use an appropriate variety of massage oil.
While it’s possible to give a halfway decent massage without any oil, your partner will be missing out big time. It’s much more comfortable and sensual to use a natural massage oil to give a massage.
Commercial massage oils are often scented in a variety of fragrances, which can offer an intense sensual experience for a massage. Some people might prefer unscented oils, but try out a few to see what works best.
You don’t have to buy oil specifically made for massage. While it may sound weird, cooking oils like olive, coconut, or cocoa butter can make excellent massage oils. Many masseurs prefer using a basic cooking oil on the skin.
You can also make your own massage oil by submerging lavender, calendula, rosemary, or other fragrant herbs or essential oils in a natural oil yourself. You can save money by mixing up batches of your own and saving it in jars.
Talk with your partner first.
The most important part of a sensual massage has nothing to do with where to put your hands. A massage won’t be sensual if it doesn’t involve trust and emotional intimacy. Both before and during the massage, it’s important to talk and listen.
When you’re massaging, ask questions like, “Is that too firm?” or “Does that feel good?” when you move to a new area of the body. Listen and adjust your massage accordingly.
It’s also good to avoid turning the massage into an interview. Use your judgment and listen to the sounds your partner makes. Moans of pleasure are good signs, so keep doing what you’re doing.
Warm the oil with your hands.
Take a generous portion of oil into your hands and rub it in to warm it up, then gently spread the oil onto the part of your partner that you’re massaging. It’s generally typical to start with the back and shoulders.
Never pour oil directly onto the back of your partner if it’s cold. This can be startling and uncomfortable, and it can make your partner feel tense. Warm the oil up yourself and periodically add more, if the skin starts to dry out, or the oil gets worked in.
If you want to heat massage oil, do so only very gently, and always test it on your own skin before applying it directly onto your partner.
Use firm and even pressure with the palms of your hands.
Massage techniques can vary widely, but there’s no big secret to making your partner feel good. Use and firm, but gentle touch, rubbing long strokes along your partners muscles. Use the base of your palm to do the bulk of the pushing, and use other parts of your hand to get at the sensitive spots.
Remember that it’s important to massage along muscles, not pushing on bones. It doesn’t really feel good to push hard onto the point of someone’s elbow, but it does feel good to massage the inside of the forearm.
Try an experiment if you’ve never given a massage before, rubbing your own shoulders and seeing where it feels good. Find these same spots on your partner, and remember how firmly you touched your own shoulder. It should translate.
Use your thumbs for areas of tension.
In general, you want to start the massage by using long, even strokes, then go back to problematic or sore spots to work more with your thumbs. If you find a spot that feels very good to your partner, or that your partner wants you to work harder, switch to your thumbs for extra support and pressure.
Always be gentle, rubbing your thumbs in circular motions along the back of your partner’s calves, just above the buttocks, and the lower back area.
Focus on neglected areas of the body.
Everyone knows that it feels good to touch genitals and other erogenous zones. But diving straight to these areas can make for a somewhat crude or hurried massage. Take your time and, as long as your partner is comfortable (communicate!), explore the neglected areas of the body for the most sensual and careful massage you can give. Don’t forget about:
The arch of the foot
The fingers and palms
The back of the neck
The back of the knees
Use other parts of your body.
Forearms, elbows, knuckles, and even your oiled chest and torso can be effective ways of massaging away tension and creating intimate touches with your partner. As long as your partner is ok with full-body contact as part of the massage, take advantage of all your body has to offer to make your partner feel good.
It’s also sometimes popular to use other objects to help in the massage process. Rolling pins, or even the massage oil bottle itself, can be used to roll across sore muscles and ease tension, when used properly. This can be somewhat less sensual (not to mention cold) than your own hands, though, so keep that in mind and keep it simple.
Take your time.
A massage isn’t a quick prologue to sex. Let the massage linger on for a while, spending your time treating your partner to these sensual touches for their own sake, because they feel good, not because they might lead to more.
It’s also good to avoid distractions during a sensual massage. A massage is a lot less sensual if you’re not watching Sportscenter at the same time. Switch off the TV and devote your attention to your partner’s body.
Start with the shoulders and the back of the neck.
One of the best areas to start is always the shoulders and the neck, working slowly and gently with your thumbs down the side of the spine on the back of the neck. Work down the back of the neck in little circles, paying close attention to your partner’s response.
The spot where your neck meets your shoulder is another great area to hit, paying particular attention to the point at which the shoulder blade starts. Always work along the bone, not running across it.
Work both sides of the spine.
As you work your hands down the back, the muscle that runs along both sides of the spine feels excellent to massage slowly. Use your thumbs in small little circles and long strokes, using even pressure. Don’t pressure the spine directly, but along both sides. It’ll feel great.
Massage the back of the legs.
Paying close attention to the calves, massaging both big muscles in the back of the leg separately. This can be the difference between a good massage and a great one. Work your thumbs up and along both tendons in the back of the thigh, as well, to work the parts that can get sore.
Don’t forget the feet.
Running a thumb along the arch of the foot can feel amazing. Work each toe individually, using the oil liberally, and use both thumbs in small circles along the ball of the foot. It’s good to use firm pressure on the foot, or it can feel somewhat tickly.
If you always give your massages from the heat to the toe, vary it up sometimes. Start with the feet and work your way up. Slowly.
Do the slow slip-n-slide.
Once you’ve worked your way down your partner’s body and added a lot of oil, do some long, full-body strokes with the palms of your hands, going extremely slowly and revising all the spots you’ve just massaged. This can be a very nice way to end the massage. It can also feel good to use your forearm, or your knuckles, to vary the sensation from the last time those areas were massaged.
Ask your partner for guidance.
Always defer to what feels good for your partner. If you want to do the front of the body next, or other areas more specifically, talk about it and decide together. Good communication is the most important part of the massage.
Giving a massage isn’t code for “consenting to sex.” Never touch your partner anywhere intimate without discussing it first.
Categories: Personal Care and Style